C’mon guys, you think that will land you a second date? If it’s something on this list that we find weird, annoying, and gross, then the answer is “No!” John Gray had the right idea with his book title, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not hating on the opposite sex, but let’s be honest—sometimes guys do weird, annoying and even gross things, which leave us wondering if guys and girls really do come from different planets.
As much as we love men, here’s a list of fifteen strange things they do that really turn us off.
BY BROOKE SAGER
1. Tickling. Why is it that men find this entertaining and we think it’s annoying? Once you graduate fourth grade, tickling is no longer an acceptable form of flirting. Guys, if you’re trying to get a girl’s number, pinning her down and prodding her while she kicks and gasps for breath is not the way to go. Buy her a drink or compliment her outfit—it will definitely yield better results.
2. Getting too drunk. No wayyy, you can funnel three beers in a row after taking two shots?! Guess what—we’re not impressed. And when you pass out on the couch at 10 p.m. drooling on yourself, don’t expect us to answer your texts tomorrow.
3. Obsessively texting. Speaking of texting… we know this may sound crazy, but cell phones were originally created for making phone calls. Guys seriously need to re-learn how to dial our numbers and actually speak to us. Plus, “come ovr I wnt 2 c u” is just not what a girl wants popping up in her inbox.
4. Guiding our hands to their package. Guys, if a girl’s hand isn’t on the zipper of your jeans, it’s not because she got lost and forgot her GPS. She either hasn’t gotten there yet, or just plain doesn’t want to. Trust us, if we want to go there, we know where to find it.
5. Talking too dirty. Yes, we know that most (OK, probably all) guys watch porn. But if we’ve only been on two dates, I don’t want you to “**** my **** while we ****,” thanks. Last time I checked, my name wasn’t Sasha Grey!
6. Comparing us to their ex. Oh, your ex used to make you waffles instead of pancakes in the morning, you say? Hello, that’s so offensive and disrespectful! While he may think of this as just commentary, we’re thinking, “Well if you liked her waffles so much, then why aren’t you still with her?”
7. Flatulating. Um, ew. Excuse you.
8. P.D.A. Think back to the very first thing you learned in kindergarten: keep your hands to yourself! Of course, behind closed doors is a completely different story, but a girl doesn’t want a guy’s hand on her ass while she stands on line at the movies. Most of us gals daydream about being swept off our feet by Prince Charming, but a sloppy make-out session on the corner of a busy street is not what we had in mind. It’s awkward for all parties involved – including the old lady stuck behind us watching.
9. Acting “Too cool for school.” When a guy writes “I don’t read” under his Favorite Books section on Facebook, it doesn’t make us think he’s funny or cool. It makes him sound stupid, and girls like intelligent guys. We’d much rather hear about the film festival he went to last week, not about how he ran from the cops two years ago.
10. Cursing. Our virgin ears! Guys, save the four letter words for when you’re ready to say “love”— and save the f-bombs for the frat house.
11. Bad hygiene. We stuff our feet in stilettos and put on makeup to go out with them. The least guys can do is clean themselves up! (And no, dousing yourself with a bottle of Aqua de Gio is not considered showering.) Kissing us with onion breath is just not sexy, and neither is drawing blood with your long, jagged toenails while we hook up.
12. Driving with the seat reclined really far back. Cruising down the highway and naptime are definitely not the same thing – while he’s trying to look all macho and cool, we’re trying to figure out how he can see over the steering wheel.
13. Video games. We’re still in the dark over why guys derive so much pleasure from gluing their eyes to a TV screen and blowing up virtual villains with a controller. And why do they invite us over if they’re just going to ignore us and play Grand Theft Auto all night? We’d rather stay home and watch Gossip Girl.
14. Going too over-the-top. Hey, we’re all for creative first dates, but when a guy gets a bit too exotic with his restaurant choice or date idea the first time around, it makes it seem like he’s trying too hard. It’s not like we’ll dig him more if he takes us out for quail—chicken parm is just fine.
15. Grunting at the gym. It’s second nature for us gals to look over at a sexy guy, especially one with rippling biceps doing sets with heavy barbells at the gym. But seriously, what’s with the unnecessary grunting?! If we wanted to hear strange gorilla-like noises, we’d go to the zoo… or the Jersey Shore.